On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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