Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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