so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
