and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Dear god my vagina.
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