my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
