OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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