Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
