You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
