I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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