I hate your face
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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