I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize