Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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