A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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