come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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