nutella sex= disaster
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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