real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You smell like stripper and shame
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
