remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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