Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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