she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
