Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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