Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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