speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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