Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
