just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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