imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So here I am, sexting at work.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
