I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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