Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
