Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
