The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize