i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
