I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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