So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
