Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
