Don't you send me to vm
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
