If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
