I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
