Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
