Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
