the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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