This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
