How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
