Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize