Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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