So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
