I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
