so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
