from now on my penis is your penis
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
