shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
