Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
