She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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