why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
