I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You were trust falling into bushes
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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