I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
