home. puking in laundry basket.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
