some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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