You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
