Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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