My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
