someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
you never un-have a 4some
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
