dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
