Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
