pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
