11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
