Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
