I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
not ubering you a puppy
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
