yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
