I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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