I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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