yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Dick very happy bro
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
