he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
no you cant smoke seaweed
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
