Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
