My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My cat gives me a boner
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
