yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
