She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
