summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
