I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize