So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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