i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I don't think brook has ever known best
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
