it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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