Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
