it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize