I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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