There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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