Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I cannot find my penis.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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