My hand turned me down
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
