there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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