If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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