Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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