I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
