seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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