Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
