Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
