so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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