I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
