It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I use my feet as sexual weapons
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
