Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
