Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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