The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
