yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Everyone says I win the strip club
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
