Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
