Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize