Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Randomize
