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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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