**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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