I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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