I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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