Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
