you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Don't EVER smell your tampon
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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