I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
